


sun and moon

by sunwillrise



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anger Management, Bullying, F/M, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Recovery, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 20:20:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14268786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunwillrise/pseuds/sunwillrise
Summary: Tyler and Josh have lived very separate lives. Josh Dun has lived alone with his mother, and currently just spends his life alone. Yet he spends it all trying to leave smiles on everyone's faces. Tyler Joseph is the star basketball player in a family that confuses the hell out of him. He spends his life trying to fit into the mold they created for him. What happens when they both end up next to each other in the same partial hospitalization for their mental health issues? Read on to find out.





	sun and moon

**MOON**

 

Waking up to sad serenading from the one and only skinny queen Celine Dion generally helps start the school day pleasantly. I was not, however, attending school this Thursday. Instead, I ended up being admitted into partial hospitalization, having to now spend the day in grueling groups talking about “feelings” and “pain”. I’d prefer to cork it all up, wear my fake happy mask throughout the day, then come home after basketball practice and pound and belt all of the agony brimming up internally on my keyboard. 

 

The funny thing is, I have honestly improved on my mental wellbeing. Playing the keyboard and using that as a positive catharsis, channeling all of my worries into art is extremely helpful. It builds the sense of purpose I think I’ve been searching for the past few years. No one may listen to the songs I’ve created, yet I’m still making something incredible.

 

I pressed snooze and fell back asleep.

 

“TYLER ROBERT YOUR GROUP HAS ALREADY STARTED YOU BETTER GET YOURSELF OUT OF BED RIGHT NOW OR YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BE GO INTO THE BASEMENT FOR ANOTHER WEEK!” 

 

Not feeling like any time has passed, I hear my mom yell at me from my doorway. I tumbled not so gracefully out of bed, and I ended up smacking the back of my head into my nightstand. The fall ended up leaving me more concerned about the lack of brain cells I probably have left than the actual injury. This was my mom’s version of acting like she cared, huh?

She’s never been a star communicator. I hate even thinking of what happened two nights ago, which left me in this predicament.

 

_ I rested on my duvet, attempting to comprehend at least a fraction of this pre calc equation. How in the world was I supposed to figure this out from just a CIRCLE? Shoving my textbook down onto the floor in agitation, I clicked on my iPhone as a notification popped up from my nomo app. _

 

_ “You have earned your three months clean chip for Self Harm!” _

 

_ I was incredibly stunned, that much time passed? It had been about three months, probably a bit longer, since I grabbed my keyboard from my neighbor’s garage sale for only $20. It honestly was in mint condition and was originally marked $80, but Mr. Greg always respected me more than my other siblings (no surprise there), so he knocked down the price.  _

 

_ I noticed my arms, realizing I was healing. Physically and mentally. Not spiritually, sorry God but dealing with my sexuality in a strict conservative Christian household is not going to help with that. Regardless, I finally felt comfortable enough to throw on my corny ass shirt covered in pictures of Taco Bell sauces: with short sleeves and without Maddie’s concealer she still hasn’t noticed that I stole.  _

 

_ Glimpsing down at my prized e-Chip, I noticed it was 6:00. Also known as dinner time. Like clockwork, I sped walked out into the hall and down the stairs, realizing my mother at the end of the steps glaring at me.   _

 

_ “Tyler do you know what day of the week it is?” _

 

_ “Um… a school night?” _

 

_ “Specifically it is Tuesday. Which as you know is your day to set the table before dinner. But you’re ten minutes too late for that, so Jay volunteered to do it for you. Make sure you thank your brother and plan on taking his place tomorrow night.” _

 

_ “Alright” _

 

_ I shuffled past my mom, staring down at the tiled floor as I went to grab dinner. I could smell, I mean tell, she made meatloaf. Again. _

 

_ Out of nowhere, my arm was tugged violently and I turned to see my mother’s face, pale as my feet in the winter. _

 

_ “I… Tyler! Your arm! What happened?” _

 

I squeezed my eyes and clenched my fist, grounding and yanking myself out of the anxiety inducing memory.

 

“Alright wear something besides black for once and I’ll see you after group, I have to get going to church!” my mom sang-hollered.

 

I dragged myself off the floor, barely snagging a glance at her neutral tan click-clacking heels as she rushed off the whatever church group or fundraiser she had scheduled for today. I decided I could throw a red hoodie I have folded in the back of my closet, maybe she’d be happy with me for once. Skipping downstairs, I snatched a can of Yoohoo in the fridge and loaded myself into the car, already feeling queasy as my heart rhythmically attempted to break my chest open. 

 

What was I even doing? I was the MVP player as a junior on the Wildcats basketball team. It’s senior year and I should be in class, with my “friends” from the team, chatting it up with Jenna who happens to be one of the cheerleaders all the other seniors on the team are dead ass convinced would be perfect for me. I mean, she’s stunning, but the kind of hot you’ve seen a million times before. She literally is a carbon copy of any humdrum cheerleader you’d watch in a chick flick. She’s a fish in the sea, sure, but the type you’d hurl back in and sigh dramatically after you caught her.

 

As if my fake persona I wear in school is more exceptional. It really beats you down pretending to snicker at homophobic and ableist jokes with a team of duds who believe they rule the school since we can shoot a ball into a hoop. Yawn. Honestly I just got into the whole basketball charade because it’s a family tradition. It leaves my parents pleased, which is all I want to accomplish. When my dad started hearing me howling bloody murder in the basement, he bombarded down the stairs, probably assuming I was being eaten alive. But alas, I was the one assaulting my keyboard with my emo feels. My dad backed up me playing music much more than my mom did, honestly he found it so intriguing. At the end of the day, he persuaded my mom me playing music would be a fine hobby regardless of the fact that it wouldn’t get me a scholarship. As long as I kept up the basketball, me and my keyboard were bros for life. If High School Musical was based off true events, call me Troy fucking Bolton. Except more brooding and dead inside.

 

The streets of Columbus suburbia are so bland. Driving past half vacant plazas gets boring after a while, but hey, at least there’s usually a fast food restaurant perched out front of each of them. The stark open land left me feeling like the highway travelled to the end of the world. I cranked up The Killers album playing on my car’s radio to focus on something so I didn’t risk dazing out at the wheel. Hey, my car may be a piece of junk, but the radio was always something I could depend on to shut my subconscious up for a while.

 

Eventually, I rolled up to the steep brick building, which loomed over my small Toyota. I rested on my stained seat momentarily scrolling through my phone to suppurate as much time as I had between me and whatever mind sucking therapy was waiting indoors. I had at least five texts in my phone already. Groaning internally, I read through them real quick. Drew, Max, and other from the team, and… Jenna. All asking me why I wasn’t in class, by their locker, whatever. I clicked the off button and shoved my iPhone back in my jean pocket. No way I was informing any one of my “friends” where I was. I got up and thrusted all my pent up rage out as I almost slammed the run down car’s door off its hinge. The wind taunted me as I forced myself to do a few deep breaths and forced my mask back on, marching me and the last bit of pride I had into the door to hell.

 

The interior was drastically opposite from the drab exterior, honestly I was taken aback. The semi pastel yellow walls covering the insides felt so extremely forced, as if it was a desperate therapist on their first day, begging us to smile and be optimistic. There were potted plants, including sunflowers and daises, sitting on top of unstained bleach white side tables. I sighed tensely and held my head down staring at the dirty trail my black vans (which were falling apart) left on the shiny wood floor from the door to the secretary’s desk. 

 

“Tyler. Tyler Joseph?” I muttered while signing in on a notebook stuffed with names and times, glancing up to see a politely beaming woman typing away on her Macbook. She seemed as if she was trying her damn hardest to remain optimistic, but staring in her ash brown eyes and the wrinkles surrounding it, I could tell like all of us, she was drowning too.

 

“Ah… Hello! You’re in the adolescent program, I’m guessing? Down the hallway up ahead two doors down on the left!” she chirped, directing straight down, once again lowering her head to type furiously as if her life depended on sending that one email in. Her forehead furrowed and her eyes peered into the laptop. I prayed silently that she had a break coming up so she could exhale.

 

Walking down the tiny hall, I did a quick glance around, taking note of the bathrooms right across from the door to what I assumed was group. Out of nowhere the men’s room swung open right at me, barely missing my nose. Startled, I pivoted back, dismayed to see none other than Josh Dun from second period pre calc. Holding a fucking cup of his urine. 

 

“I… uh… “ I stammered, as the mask he knew slowly melted off my face.

 

“The Tyler Joseph? Ha, didn’t expect you here.” Josh chuckled.

 

I’ve taken notice of Josh not attending class the past two weeks, as Jenna was designated partners with him. She whined constantly to talk to me via mouth reading from our distant assigned seats, and I would always notice him to her right, burrowed in his sketchbook. I shouldn’t of been as bewildered as I felt to see him, everyone knew Josh had occasional anger outbursts in between periods. Most of the time towards the kids shouting gay slurs towards him, many times being the basketball team. I never intervened out of my own uncomfortableness towards the situation, internally I bet myself up for staying mute during these times. The kid never deserved it, he probably already felt alone enough. His only friend Chris graduated last year, but he stayed in town and is attending community college. Josh never ended up making new friends, he mostly navigated the halls silent and alone. Minus the stench of weed following him.

 

But The Tyler Joseph in therapy? No one would even believe that. It would make a lot of sense if my team was one of the reasons he was in this nut house. My heart suddenly gained weight in my chest. Josh never did any wrong to anyone. Sure, he was distant, but he still went out of his way to direct freshman to their classes, stay after to help teachers clean up the room, even scrub off the lunch table he sat at by himself and a few geeks clung to the other side of the tab who poured milk into their ketchup. He never meant any harm to anyone.

 

I was paralyzed in place as I watched the punk kid walk and glide open the door as if he was at home, his left hand holding the handle. I saw his soft brown eyes twinkle and wrinkle when he smiled. I doubt those were from stress, even though he endured so much. I was confident he just loved to smile. They shined like fresh dew on grass after a rainy summer night. I continued to melt my eyes into his until I jolted back to reality, and my body full of anxiety, when I hear him speaking.

 

“After you my good sir,” the curly haired boy gestured jokingly, his pee hand cup pointing towards the room, all I could make out were a few figures sitting in a circle of fold out chairs. Still, not a word came out of me. My insides were begging me, hollering at me to dart out of here and just reside under my covers in bed for the next two year. I should of never came here, I was doing completely fine on my own. Yet I forced myself to walk into the room full of strangers.

 

Everybody lies when they say they are fine. Here I was, catching myself lying to myself, well knowing I was completely lying to others as well. Josh was so damn genuine it make me mad, jealous even. How the hell was he so sure of who he was when the whole world seemed to beat him down for it? How could he still act like he cared about people when he never received any love back? The whole idea of that sounded so foreign and terrifying.

 

I then decided that I wanted nothing to do with Josh freaking Dun.

 

**SUN**

 

Why does Dr. Nobi constantly forcing me to take drug tests daily? How many goddamn times will it take to get in her hard head that I’ve only ever smoked weed, I have a medical license to smoke weed, and I’m not stopping? She honestly is so insane I wouldn’t be surprised if she was just testing my pee for random shit, and will be coming back to tell me that from all loss of liquid  _ from peeing _ is going to kill me. I sighed and slid my urine into the enclosed cart next to the other “druggies” pee. Because medical marijuana makes me an addict. What an intellectual!

I sighed and turned to see the new kid Tyler Joseph, the basketball king himself, standing up next to me. He took in the bland group room. There was a large round table with eight folding chairs staggered around it. About four other teens were condensed to the front end, which had our therapist for this group seated smack in the middle. I never memorized most of their names, but she was the one with a country accent. I dubbed her as Yeehaw. According to Jessie, Yeehaw is from Oklahoma. All I know is she’s the person I know that’s most likely to have fucked a horse.

I snickered thinking about this, when Yeehaw began to speak.

“Josh, why don’t you come back to earth and join our group?”

“Oh yea. You got it.”

There were only two seats open, as Tyler took my spot, well spots. I loved sitting in the middle of three chairs, having the space of a chair to my left and to my right. Sigh smiling, I scooted in the chair next to Tyler and, Ryan, who was too invested in their slime to even have any idea what was going on in group or at all. Tyler twiddled his thumbs and grunted as I sat next to him.

Honestly I was really intrigued to how Tyler ended up here. This kid was not only a star basketball player, but had a huge group of friends, and a girlfriend I thought? Everyone knew he was set for college, had a whole future lined up for him. I wanted to know what even got him into this situation, he honestly didn’t seem like a bad dude. I glanced when he lifted his left hand up to ruffle his fluffy brown hair. I squinted in thought, remembering all the times Tyler was genuinely a dick. I’ve heard him banter nasty jokes with the knuckleheads jocks, the same one who scream faggot in my face. Then, I remembered when I made clear eye contact with Tyler at the last Incident.

_ After I threw away what I couldn’t stomach of today’s hot lunch, some type of meat oozing of liquid I didn’t want to know of, I walked casually back to my seat to wait on the rest of lunch. However, I was RUDELY INTERRUPTED by a gosh darn KNUCKLEHEAD!  _

_ “HEY SAD FAG!” _

_ Feeling a hard flick on the back of my head, I swung around to see greasy Max Caddlestone, towering over me with a sadistic grin on his face. _

_ Buh dum Buh dum. My brain slowly cranked up the speed on my heart.  _

_ I glared into his dead grey eyes. My right hand began shaking to the rhythm of my heart. _

_ “You checking me out Dun? You got a big crush on me too?” Max cackled, striking my nerves like lightning. _

_ The rhythm sped up. My fist clenched so hard my nails pinched into my skin. _

_ “Go fuck yourself Max.”  _

_ I could feel the heat rising up into my face, just like I could feel hundreds of sets of eyes soaring into me.  _

_ “Oh why Josh? We all know you’d rather fuck me instead you pansy.” _

_ My senses went numb. _

_ What I guessed was a few moments later, I gazed around the cafeteria. I felt like a ghost watching my body, I couldn’t hear anything or grasp the fact that everything was real. _

_ I saw the basketball team in front of me. Shouting what I guessed were insults. I took in that a circle surrounded Max and me. I looked down at the ground and saw Max, eye puffed up and swollen, a stream of blood pouring out of his eyes.  _

_ Suddenly someone grabbed my shoulders and jerked me back inside my shell.  _

_ “YOU’RE A PSYCHO DUN!” _

_ “MAX GET UP!” _

_ “JOSH GET ANOTHER KICK IN THERE!!” _

_ “THIS IS GOING ON WORLDSTAR DAYUUMN!” _

_ The most prominent voice took over my right ear. _

_ “Dun, you’re coming to my office NOW” Principal Davey ordered. _

_ He dragged me out from the swarm of kids, and as we made our way to the doorway I shot a quick glance to my left and saw Tyler Joseph sitting back by the doorway. Truly, I was shocked he wasn’t with the rest of his mates. Instead, he was staring at me with what seem like genuine concern. I had to do a double take, refusing to believe it could be true. But it was, I noticed the squinting lines on his forehead and even tears building up in his eyes. It was the only time I’ve seen the guy actually act like he had feelings. I wondered… why? _

I was left with the biggest itch of curiosity, needing to find out what was going in his mind. Tyler couldn’t just be this superstar jock which everyone assumed him to be. There was definitely something deeper, especially the fact that, well, he was here. People who got their shit together don’t come here. I was on a mission: discover Tyler Joseph.

Eventually, group after group, the clock hit noon and it was time for lunch. Neither of us said a word, and I ached as I wanted to learn more. I pulled a whole package of Oreos from my Jansport backpack and started working on the middle row of the box. I watched as Tyler threw his hood over his head and zoned out staring at the floor. 

“Yo Tyler, do you want a few Oreos?” 

Silence.

I checked to see if he was wearing earbuds, which led him to snap his glare up at me. His eyes were drowning in an unnamed emotion, which was definitely not matching up to the bitter tone he spoke with. 

“Josh give me some fucking space.” 

“Listen dude, I can tell you’re not jazzed up about being here, I wasn’t the first time. It’ll help if you just try to make the best of the group, try not to act like a cat in a bath, and eat a flipping Oreo.”

“Cat in a bath… never heard that one before.”

I did a big ol’ cheesy grin. “I also promise you’ll feel a hell of a lot better if you get some food in your body!”

What I thought was transforming into a side smile suddenly was stone cold. Tyler’s fragile walnut eyes dropped back down to the scuffed wood floor. I wasn’t going to crack into his mind today, and definitely the therapy groups weren’t going to either.

Personally, I’ve walked down this road countless times. I would go throughout my life, and bits and pieces of each day would get to me. A lot of the times it was pure loneliness. My best friend Chris constantly had my back the past three years in high school. Sadly, he graduated back in June, leaving me to half to fend for myself. Even though he’s still in town, we ended up hanging out maybe once a month. He’s too swept up in college work; by work, I mean dealing drugs. 

****  
  


Usually I honestly try to participate in groups, but I was left with a gnawing feeling of irritability from the short interaction. My heart mirrored the intensity. I truly tried concentrating on the therapist I dubbed Pedostache’s scary intense explanation of mindfulness of the senses. In the end, the only sense I ended up focusing on was the pounding of my heart. _ Ba-Bum Ba-Bum _ , I followed along drumming with my fingers, diverting my attention to the one coping skill that helped more than any other. I sensed the agitation locking in my shoulders slowly but surely releasing its grip.

“As you can all notice here, Joshua you’ve gotten a hang of this skill haven’t you? Third time’s the charm, surprised it took so long,” Pedostache spoke scratchily. 

I never understood why you would want to be a therapist if you only planned on nagging and being inconsiderate towards clients, but here we are! I came back here because I wanted help, once again. I didn’t deserve this type of bullshit. I’ve  I clenched my teeth as my old friend squeezed my shoulders once again. It was starting back up again.

_ Ba-Bum Ba-Bum _

Out of God knows where, Tyler spoke up for the first time this whole damn day.

“Excuse me, can I talk to you real fast outside the group room?” Tyler spoke as if he was playing poker and challenged the other player to throw all his chips in. I watched as Tyler never broke eye contact with Pornstache, sliding out of his chair as ‘stache followed him, slamming the door.

“What the fuck was that?” Jessie’s face was painted with confusion. I paid attention to the beat, still pulsing through my ears. It was manageable, though. I ignored Jessie’s question, closed my eyes and counted endlessly in my head instead. I heard a sigh in the background, and figured it was her. I did my best not to dwell on it, because at the end of the day we were all going through the same shit. 

I calmed myself down enough to open my eyes at 50, and by the time 232 rolled around, the door bursted open with Tyler hiding his head still, but if you looked closely you could see he was smirking proudly. He sat back down in his seat, resting his head down on the table. Behind him, my assigned one on one therapist Kate trekked into the room.  She took an overly heavy deep breath before speaking.

“Hey guys, so I heard we had a little bit of trouble with Mr. Nowak, and we decided just to cut the last group short,” she huffed. “I’ll be in here until the end of the day, mostly because I just so happen to be running the next group. So I think I’m planning on starting the last group, safety and goal planning, and we can make sure everyone has a safe weekend. Alright? Oh and also…” Kate took a seat in the front chair and starting passing out the worksheet “you all have to share your plans. I’m expecting three coping skills, one positive self statement, and one goal for the three day weekend.”

Tyler immediately shot up and became extremely stiff. 

“Hell no.”

“Tyler, you need to participate-” Kate started.

“I sure as hell didn’t ask to be here, and I sure as hell don’t NEED to be here. So no, I’m not going to fill out your dumbass paper.” Tyler was fired the fuck up.

“Alright Tyler, then prove it to me by saying one positive statement about yourself. Prove to me that you’re all cured and stable. One statement, and I have to be able to tell that you believe it.” Kate countered. 

Tyler began breathing abnormally. Staring dead at Kate, he started “I have a lot of people that like me.”

“That’s not about you though, that’s about others.”

Tyler’s eyes dropped. “I’m good at basketball.”

“I can tell you don’t care about that Tyler.”

Now we could all hear Tyler’s foot tapping rapidly in the otherwise silent and tense room.

“I am… I am. I am good at…”

Kate got a concerned look. “Tyler, it’s alright. Do you need to talk outside?”

I saw the Tyler I saw once before, the Tyler I don’t know if anyone else knew. He threw his hands to cover face, and as he darted out of the room I could hear him sniffling. 

After I counted to 312, both Tyler and Kate came back in, Tyler looking like his face had an allergic reaction. He blew into his left dirty hoodie sleeve, and began to write out his safety plan, and the rest of us in the group followed queue.

At the end of group, I zoned everyone out, as I was trying too hard not to looked at the kid next to me. It was as if this was the Siege of Alesia and no matter how hard Tyler tried to protect himself, no matter how many walls built around him, he was destined to lose. I didn’t want him to lose. I felt like a magnet and Tyler was a fridge, another odd comparison, I just felt this force driving me to be with him.

“Josh, what’s your safety plan?” Kate spoke in a comforting tone. I worked with her the last time as well as this time around being in treatment. I trusted her to an extent, this was Kate’s job I mean, but she did it well.

I cleared my throat. 

“Well I was planning to learn a Green Day song on the drums, and work on something with my mom. My coping skills are one-mindfully, build mastery, and coping plans. And…” I hesitantly took an anxious breath, “I am determined to stay in recovery.” I hid my smile under my pink sweatshirt. This has been an arduous lengthy road, yet I sure as hell wasn’t turning back.

“Thank you Josh, you may all be dismissed, have a safe weekend.”

I realized it immediately. Kate skipped Tyler.

I watched him toss his checkered vans backpack over his shoulders, plug in his earbuds, and dart out the door. I was hesitating to run after the kid and exchange numbers, but I stayed back. I instead blasted some Relient K in my headphones and paced myself slowly out to the front door, occasionally checking for the “I’m on my way home!” text from my mother.

As I faced the sun outside, I finally felt the warm, comforting rays of the sun hug my skin. I looked up and grinned, as I missed its revitalizing energy this morning. After I threw my hoodie and tank top in my Jansport, I started my jog home. It was only three quarters of a mile away thank God, and let the tension burrowing in me drift out of me. I will allow myself to be as free as I can be

****  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I've been working so hard on the last chapter, and I haven't written an actual story in the longest time. Yet, I'm honestly really proud of my work. I've created playlists for each Tyler and Josh, to help you get to know them a little more. I really hope you enjoyed it and stick around because there is a lot more to come and lessons for them both to learn. Every comment is appreciated! Tweet me at @sunwilirise or message me on my tumblr @heartscams! :)
> 
> ALSO Jenna will be redeemed. I love her so much I won't do her dirty like that.
> 
> Tyler: https://open.spotify.com/user/22frnxp5hjezddifx4awibjai/playlist/5NcMxHN9i5luiozUItFaLa?si=rpGYeEtHQ_2WcNgu2YswpQ  
> Josh: https://open.spotify.com/user/22frnxp5hjezddifx4awibjai/playlist/3sOx6BpgZCqx8rh7vN4CWY?si=dT06UBTZSUaAjIOOrIO-dQ


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